| My 101 List |
[22 Dec 2009|03:09pm] |
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For some reason, I was holding off until January 1st because I thought it would be so great to start on 1-1-2010, but now I see that it doesn't really matter. It's not a big deal.
So without further ado, here is my list which is comprised of many goals from your lists (and a few of my own, of course)!
( Under the cut! )
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| tired of tears and relationships |
[22 Dec 2009|02:26pm] |
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i'm also tired of xmas.
you know whats really, reallllllllly good? helluva good french onion dip. with carrots. or chips. or whatever. and lime green kool aid. and stella artois beer. mmmm.
/pointless post, meant solely to break up the crying business all up in here lately.
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[22 Dec 2009|07:18pm] |
My eyes are stinging from the crying. It's going to take vodka to get over this again. Doubles and lots of them. And ice-cream. Thick, minty chocolate ice-cream with a hundred calories in every spoonful. My girlfriends will have to stroke my hair from my eyes and wipe my tears, trying their best to make things okay again. I'll have to play The Pixies so loud the walls shake.
It feels as though someone's sitting on my chest; every time i try and take a breath i'm working twice as hard. I'm not yet sure if the beating of my heart has slowed down, or doubled in speed. I was praying this time it would be different, but i should have known not to rely on that. You can see it in me now. You can see it in my eyes. I didn't shower this morning and i'm still in the same clothes as when you left. I've not moved really. The empties still litter the lounge. I've not thrown out the take away boxes. I don't want anything to change, because if it's all the same then there's a chance this didn't happen. There's a chance it's all a horrible dream that i'll wake up from. Last time they sat me down and told me i couldn't do this too myself again. I suppose i knew it as well, but there was a big factor that they just didn't understand. They didn't realise how it all changes when you look at me, touch me ... kiss me. It all changes. I made promised to them that i wouldn't let this happened to me again. I promised. And now where am i? I'm trying to think of a character that i feel like. Someone in a book or play that i think has felt like this but i've got no one. It's like when Jane realises Rochester is already married and wanders through the moors. She doesn't have a clue where she's going and she can hardly make sense of the infomation she's been given. Her heart is exploding in her chest and she knows that it's partly her fault, because her actions helped to lead to this point. There's no denying the majority of the blame falls at Rochester's feet, but she can't bring herself to hate him. The love is always there, which is why he calls in the wind to her.
So take a good look at my face. You'll see my smile looks out of place. If you look closer it's easy to trace the tracks of my tears.
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[22 Dec 2009|02:59am] |
you leave and come back and leave and come back and leave and come back.
each time i welcome you with open arms.
each time you remind me of why i love you without knowing.
each time you pretend nothing happened.
maybe it's just me, but it's hard to pretend nothing happen.
it's hard to pretend that you don't leave and come back multiple times a year.
it's hard to pretend that i don't love you, that i haven't loved you for three years.
it's hard to welcome you back everytime because i know you're going to leave again.
when you leave i always have to pick my pieces up and put my walls up
the minute you come back, i'm yours. i was yours three years ago, i'm still yours now.
i don't know if you know this. i don't want to bring it up because i don't want to make you leave.
i'm use to you leaving on your own.
i'm trying so hard for this, i want to be friends. if friendship is the only thing i am able
to get, i want it.
i love you and it scares me that no matter what i'm doing, no matter who i'm with.
i would drop everything for you.
this isn't going anywhere. i'm not going anywhere. i'll always be here
and you always seem to find me.
you're a priority and i'm an option.
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[22 Dec 2009|02:04am] |
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I'm on my third vodka soaked beverage and there isn't a dog laying on my mangled toes tonight for the first time in six months and I don't know where to kick. See, I leave the country in a couple weeks. I was really excited about living there then I met this boy... Isn't that always the story? "I wanted to live my life...then I met him." Is what it boils down to. He's really great though. The first time he kissed me we were sitting in his car. We'd been casually hanging out for a couple weeks. He said, "Want a line?" and I said, "Um man of my dreams?" Then there was this awkward thing where he said something to the effects of, "A kiss should be my payment." Only I thought he said "My favorite band is Pavement." So when he charged my mouth I jumped back and looked confused but I was high so I didn't really care. Yeah. That's how it all started. I assume that if we ever have children, which will only happen by mistake, that I'll have to edit that story out. Or probably edit out the story about how he asked me to be his girlfriend. I just remember sitting in some weird apartment in November. They already had their christmas tree up and there was underwear all over the kitchen floor. Everyone had left for some reason and he said, "Hey can I ask you a hypothetical question?" and I said, "After I finish my drink." "What would you do if I were to ask you to be my girlfriend, hypothetically." So I say some crass remark about feeling like I was 12 again then drunkenly said sure. I'm such an awkward human being. I mean I really thought he was gay for a while, but it's okay, he probably thought I was an addict. Oh, wait. Nevermind. So here I am now. Drunk in my room. Wondering if I am really capable of falling in love again. It doesn't seem plausible. But he's in love with me. He doesn't even have to say it. I can tell. I don't know why though. I'm a fucked up individual. But he does. And maybe I think I care about him a lot anyway. This started out being about my puppy. She was killed today. It was the first time I think I've ever cried when anything or anyone in my life died. I mean, it's just a damned dog, but I rescued her. She slept with me every night. And like I said the only thing in my bed right now with me is gallon of vodka. I just... don't get it.
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| My first 101 things to do in 1001 days. |
[22 Dec 2009|01:44am] |
So one of my livejournal friends just posted her 101 in 1001 days list and it was the first I had heard of it. I took about 3 hours of my time and made my own list. I dont plan to start it until the beginning of the year due to holidays, family in town, birthdays, and moving.
Some I got from ideas of other peoples but a lot of them were my own.
Start Date:
End Date:
Fun
1. Get a massage.
2. Dress completly different and crazy for one day and smile at everyone passing me by.
3. Dye my hair back to some form of blonde only to probably dye it back to dark again.
4. Send/buy myself flowers.
5. Send someone else I care about flowers.
6. Spend one day baking.
7. Create another 101 in 1001 list for when this one expires
8. Make a snow man if it snows/leaf pile to jump in/ or blow a daffodil away. (depends on weather)
9. Buy car window paint and draw something on my or someones windows.
10. Make a post secret postcard and mail it off. http://www.postsecret.com
11. Spend a 1day/2day vacation that I completly planned out.
12. Get my palm read.
13. Go see a psychic.
( The rest of the things... )
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| Mission 2010? |
[21 Dec 2009|10:07pm] |
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mood |
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Hello! Was just wondering if anyone knew of any Mission101 community thats set to start on Jan 1st 2010, sort of like ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) mission101_2009 ?? I thought of starting one myself, but am not sure how great of a mod I would be.
Thanks!!!
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| Leaving Fear Behind |
[21 Dec 2009|11:02pm] |
http://freetibet2008.tv/2008/09/10/leaving-fear-behind-complete-film/
Got 25 minutes? Watch this.
The filmmaker, Dhondup Wangchen, and his helper, Golog Jigme, are currently on trial in the People's Republic of China for making this film.
Their charges? "Subversion" and "inciting separatism." Check it out for yourself.
"I feel exhausted. It's as though I were walking alone, with no destination, endlessly."
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[21 Dec 2009|10:22pm] |
i'm very good at reading people but you always do the opposite of what i think you'll do. which means you're either really special or really really stupid. i'm gonna go with options a and b.
when we hold hands, my fingers are on fire.
ineedit
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| [ Re-re-start... ] |
[21 Dec 2009|07:09pm] |
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This is my 3rd attempt at a mission 101.
I think I've got the right approach, finally. I divided my list into 10 mini-lists. 10 things in 100 days, and the last list in 101 things in 101 days.
My first list starts January 1st.
(Full List)
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| Calendar? |
[21 Dec 2009|05:53pm] |
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I'm finalizing my list and was about to plug in my start date but the link to the calendar that figured out your end date is no longer on the dayzero project website. Don't suppose anyone happens to have it?
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| Bulletproof |
[22 Dec 2009|01:50am] |
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I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing, Just praying to a God that I don't believe in.
Cause I've got time while he's got freedom, Cause when a heart breaks no, it don't breakeven. His best days will be some of my worst. He finally met a girl that's going to place him first.
While I'm wide awake he's no trouble sleeping. Cause when a heart breaks no, it don't breakeven. No. What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you.
And what am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok. I'm falling to pieces.
Yeah, I'm falling to pieces. Oh you got her heart & my heart, & none of the pain. You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm trying to make sense of what little remains. Cause you left me with no love, & no love to my name.
I need you to need me.
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[21 Dec 2009|12:46pm] |
i honestly do not think i ever learned how to enjoy my life.
what do you do?
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| My 101 List |
[21 Dec 2009|01:02am] |
Here is my list.
Start date: December 21, 09
End date: September 17, 12( 101 List )
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[20 Dec 2009|11:21pm] |
What is something that you've created, that you're proud of?
Or something that you've done.?
Or I guess something you've done that you're proud of, that sparked a turning point in your life?
I've always dreamed of being a photographer - for the longest time. But recently I've started to sway, and I think I"m swaying back to Photography. But.
The only photo I've even remotely proud of, and I admit, it is still very very amateur.
( The Picture is Kind of big )
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| Weekly update - week 73 |
[20 Dec 2009|10:06pm] |
July 28, 2008, to April 25, 2011
Goals completed: 23 (0 this week)
Goals in progress, week 73: 7
Goals in progress this week
9. Watch 150 movies (37/150)
- I watched "All I Want For Christmas", "Love Actually" and "Drømmen om det hvide Slot" this week. Christmas time is a great time to watch movies, with plenty of free time and good movies on TV :D
60. Practice at home once a week during dancing-season (3 completed seasons=51 weeks)
- Another season finished, now I just have to keep practicing over the Christmas-break ;)
( Complete list )
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| Week 78 |
[20 Dec 2009|08:00pm] |
I have a few goals I will be changing soon. I'm considering what to add and they will most likely be replaced in a week or two...
In progress: 36
Finished: 41
Progress this week
2.Watch 100 movies (62/100) Watched All I Want For Christmas, The Santa Clause 3, Ella Enchanted, Peter Pan and Drømmen om det hvide slot.
21. Do 80 sit-ups at least 4 times a week for a month, ten times (6/10) Second week done.
40. Pass all of my first year exams I had my first written exam this week and I think it went well! I have three more exams next month and I will get the grades from the written ones by the end of January.
49. Bake 15 cakes (11/15) Baked different kinds of Christmas treats.
68. Do volunteer work I have been searching for different ways of completing this goal and have decided to do basic volunteering instead of charity work. At the moment, I have volunteered to help organize the St. Patrick's Day celebration in my city, and I think that will be my project for this goal.
101. Track my progress on LiveJournal twice a month (18/30) December done.
Completed this week
79. Learn to use a photo program Finished 18/12-09. I have done tons of pictures and logos in Adobe Photoshop 5.0 and I've gotten used to using it now!
( Complete list )
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| strike three |
[19 Dec 2009|11:01pm] |
it starts with a key turning and ends with a "strike three, you blew it." because you did.
and i'm always saying things like "i don't mind being by myself" but i've fallen enough times that my bones are broken and bruised. i hope you know what i want.
i lose so much sleep each night- enough to make my eyelids black, enough to make me lose count so now it's just "so-and-so number of times." and "i'm always sad" and we all need somebody to make sure of that. so as long as you keep answering, i'll keep asking. night and day.
you are my side effect. i want you so bad it hurts to breathe.
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[19 Dec 2009|10:58pm] |
How do you go about bringing up depression with your therapist?
I just can't seem to bring the subject up without feeling guilty or like a whiney teenager.
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